


Le temps des fleurs

by maxnotamenace



Category: My Candy Love
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2018-02-27
Packaged: 2018-12-03 20:27:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 3,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11539839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxnotamenace/pseuds/maxnotamenace
Summary: Castiel knew he was fucked when he coughed and saw the tiny blue forget-me-not in his hand.Hanahaki disease AU.





	1. Forget-me-nots

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in 24 hours, this is angsty and there's tons of flower imagery, so enjoy!
> 
> Playlist: https://8tracks.com/yumeeworld/le-temps-des-fleurs-armin-castiel

_ “Growing affection” _

 

_ Day 1 _

 

Castiel first knew he was fucked one morning, after Armin had spent the night at his place. It wasn’t anything unusual; they had played Skyrim until god knows when, made out a few times and fell asleep together on the couch. Castiel woke up first, he always did. But this time, he took the time to really look at Armin, who always looked exhausted, thanks to an irregular sleep schedule and depression, he guessed. When he was sleeping, Armin cuddled in on himself, resting his head on his arm, the other gripping the blanket up to his nose. 

They were both people who had put on a lot of barrier around their heart. Castiel pushed people away, stayed alone and was generally rude, but that wasn’t what he was like in reality. Believe it or not, Castiel had a soft heart. He avoided being hurt by hurting people. Not a good coping mechanism, I hear you say, well you’re right.

Armin seemed always so careless all the time, and really, he was. He chose to not care, to not face reality, because reality sometimes meant not getting out of bed for days, and facing a world that was going way too fast for him. And so everything was a game, and he wanted to live before he was an adult, because being an adult meant you didn’t have the right to be sad anymore because you don’t have the _ time _ .

They started this relationship without really realising it. Maybe they just needed someone to fuck the life into them. Someone to understand and with whom they could forget that the world existed and that one day they would be old and die, or maybe they would die even before they were old. Someone to be  _ alive _ with.

Castiel knew he was fucked the morning after Armin was gone, when he coughed three blue petals into his hand, and a tiny forget-me-not flower.


	2. Iris

_ “Hope” _

 

_ Day 9 _

 

Hiding his sickness was both easier and harder than Castiel thought. On one hand, he could easily tell people to leave him alone, after all, it was none of their business. On the other, there were two people he couldn’t lie to, because they always figured him out: Iris and Lysander. 

At first it was fairly easy, he just had to cough in his hand, catching the petals then putting his hands in his pocket, like he always did. He thanked whatever god there was for Armin’s obliviousness and Lysander distracted ass. Neither of them suspected his sickness, saying he was just smoking more than usually lately, and that wasn’t even a lie. Lysander was still worried; he was never a fan of his best friend smoking. Castiel knew he was fucked, he didn’t want the flower to be surgically removed, so what was an innocent little cigarette in comparison to  _ freaking flowers  _ growing in your lungs? 

 

They were fairly small for now, only little blue petals came out, but he knew that when the big ones would  bloom, that was when it would start to really hurt. So Castiel smoked in the flowers of this one sided love he never wanted to had. He had known his sickness was related to Armin, the colors of the flowers he threw up on the fifth morning didn’t lie; they were all blue, way too blue, just like his eyes. Castiel cried for the first time in months that morning.

 

The one person who wasn’t having it was Iris. She knew there had to be something up with Castiel when she saw him get up to go to the bathroom during class, after she saw him suppressing a coughing fit. She wasn’t going to ask, but she was worried. They had known each other since they were six years old, and Castiel knew she was one of the only one who could really figure him out.

 

Iris knew Castiel was fucked when she was at his house to practice guitar with him, where she found a blue iris sitting in the sink.

 


	3. Gardenia

_ “Secret love” _

 

_ Day 12 _

 

Iris confronted Castiel about the flower she found the day after. Castiel had only smiled, telling her to stop worrying about him. He really didn’t want to talk about it and brushed it off. Iris wasn’t convinced and dropped it. But she still found herself looking in his direction in class, always on edge, aware of every cough. She didn’t want him to go through this alone, but if it was his choice, there was really nothing he could do about it.

 

He called her two days later, asking in a small voice if they could meet at the park. It was almost ten, but Iris was relieved that Castiel wanted to talk to her. 

Sitting on the back of a bench, the only light coming from the street light a few meters away, he told her everything, from the “friend with benefits” thing he had with Armin, the night before he started coughing, how Armin looked when he was asleep on his couch, the blue forget-me-nots he threw up, and the irises that he felt blooming in his chest, how they hurt, every single one of them.

 

Iris was usually good at comforting people, but she didn’t know what to do when her childhood friend told her how the flowers she was named after were suffocating him. 

 

“Well, I’m sorry.” She said, laughing nervously. Castiel looked at her, not getting the joke at first, but a small smile creeping on his face when he finally realised what she meant. He put his arm around her in a friendly hug, coughing mixing in with laughter. When he finally released her, he became more serious again. He didn’t want anyone knowing, not even Lysander, and even less Armin. There was no use in telling him. He was sick because what he felt was one sided after all. He didn’t want to deal with sympathy. He was an asshole and would stay one even if it meant choking alone on the blue flowers that he knew were slowly suffocating him.

 

Iris could only respect his wish and hoped that he would come to his sense and realise this wasn’t something you dealt with alone. She really hoped, as she pulled him into a hug, feeling him shaking. She didn’t know if he was sobbing or trying to not cough blue flowers.

  
  
  



	4. Carnation

_ “My heart ache for you” _

 

_ Day 18 _

 

Castiel started seeing red petals into the sea of blue exactly fifteen days after it started. From what Iris told him when he showed them to her, they were carnations, all Castiel knew is that they hurt horribly, with their dented petals. Three days after the first red flower, he tried to get up one morning and instantly started choking and coughing up, reds, blues and blood. 

 

This wasn’t going to work. He didn’t want to stay alone, but he couldn’t call Iris and make her miss class. He didn’t care for his own grades but that didn’t mean it was the same for everyone. Exhausted, Castiel wrapped himself in his blanket, up to his nose, to mask the hypnotizing scent of the piles of flowers in his room. 

 

Before falling in a fever sleep, Castiel decided he hated flowers.

  
  
  



	5. Daffodils

 

_“Unrequited love”_

 

_Day 22_

 

On the fifth day Castiel missed class, Armin started getting worried. He had no news, nothing, not even a text saying why he just _wasn’t there._ He asked Iris about it, she looked nervous and told him Castiel was sick and told her he didn’t care enough about school to come when he didn’t feel well.

Armin was not convinced. He decided to pay Castiel a little visit after school, and that was where he was, in front of Castiel’s door. He had knocked three time already and was ready to text him when the door opened.

In front of him was a _very_ sick Castiel. The bag under his eyes were darker than usual, he was pale and visibly shaking from a fever even under the dark sweater he was wearing. Under the shock of seeing his friend in such a state, Armin didn’t say anything, look at him, dumbfounded.

 

“What? Iris told you I was sick right?” Castiel said, ignoring the sharp pain in his chest as he spoke. “Yes, but she didn’t tell me just how shitty you looked. Are you really okay by yourself?”

Castiel couldn’t suppress a cough before answering Armin. “Yes, it’s probably just a bad case of the flu, so it’d probably be best if you didn’t stay here too long.” And with just that, Castiel closed the door, not even meeting his eyes. Too blue eyes.

Armin raised his arms, looking thoroughly confused. Castiel was definitely weird, but hey, if he wanted to be sick alone, then Armin would let him. He wasn’t the pushy type.

 

Little did he know, at that exact moment, Castiel was trying to get his breathing right, feeling thorns in his throat. Armin didn’t need to see the daffodils he coughed up in the kitchen sink that morning.

  
  
  
  



	6. Roses

_ “Love” _

 

_ Day 27 _

 

As soon as Castiel was in the school that morning, Iris was all over him, looking stressed out. Lysander followed behind her, their lunatic air gloomed over by what Castiel identified as disappointment. He closed his locker and turned to Iris. She was twisting her hands, something she did when she was especially nervous.

 

“There are rumors in school, that you’re sick, I mean. Everyone is saying you have hanahaki, and they’re trying to find who caused it.” She finally said, not even letting Castiel ask what was wrong. He looked over to Lysander, who had their arms crossed against their chest. “Why didn’t you tell me?” They asked. Castiel sighed. Nothing was going as he planned. If the situation was as bad as Iris put it, soon enough, Armin would know. And he really didn’t want to deal with that. He looked back at his best friend. 

“I don’t want any sympathy okay? I’m sick and it’s my own goddamn fault!” Castiel sounded angry. Why would he not be? He was the only responsible. Lysander’s face softened. 

“I’m not angry at you, we just don’t want you to go through this alone.” They said with a small smile.

“Thanks Lys, but… can we go outside? People are giving me weird looks, and I don’t want to accidentally punch someone.”

 

Just as he finished his sentence, he saw Amber looking at him. The look in her eyes wasn’t only angry, it was plain  _ sad. _ Whatever. She wasn’t the one he was preoccupied with. Speaking of which, as Castiel saw the twins enter the locker room, Castiel felt his stomach churn, dropped his bag at Lysander’s feet and almost ran to the nearest bathroom, where he locked himself in the stall furthest from the door.

 

He was not coughing, he was choking, struggling to get even one breath of air. He dropped to the floor and put two fingers in his throat, hoping relief would come.

 

The thorns hurt when he threw them up and the fully bloomed red roses were not what he was expecting to see, but he couldn’t say he was surprised.

 


	7. Hyacinth

_ “I am sorry” _

 

_ Day 28 _

 

“Did you know Castiel has hanahaki?”

 

Armin looked up from his phone when he heard his brother’s question. “What?” Alexy looked at him like he was the worst idiot he’d ever met.

“Hanahaki, the thing where you have flowers growing in your lungs? The shit I had before Kentin?” 

_ Oh. _ That rang a bell in Armin’s brain. It was true that Alexy had coughed up flowers for a good three months before Kentin finally figured out his feelings. “So that was why he was sick when I went to see him the other day…” Armin said, more for himself than for the conversation.

“He didn’t tell you? I figured he would have, given you’ve been spending more time together this year.” 

 

Armin didn’t know anything, he also didn’t know why Castiel didn’t tell him anything. Armin usually didn’t listen to rumors in the school, but this one seemed pretty serious. Who knew? Did Castiel even tell anyone? Has he been sick at school before? Is that how everybody figured it out?  _ Who was the cause? _ So many question in his head, and each one was making him worry more. Armin got up from the bench, and left without a word towards the garden, where he swore he saw Castiel go with Lysander, half an hour before.

 

Armin found him sitting on the ground, against a tree, earphones on. When Castiel saw Armin, he sighed, putting his phone away in his bag. He knew what was coming.

“What do you want?” He asked, looking up at bright blue eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?”

Castiel groaned.  _ Of course _ . Always the same question, well at least he didn’t ask  _ who. _

“Maybe because it’s not you who’s dying? This is my business, okay?” Castiel didn’t want to be rude, but he also really didn’t want to talk about this with Armin.

“So you won’t get any surgery? You won’t even _ try _ ? Who is it anyway?” Armin asked too many questions. Way too many.

“The surgery is bullshit, and you don’t need to know who. I don’t need your fucking sympathy.” Castiel got up, standing as tall as he could. Even then, he was still shorter than Armin by a good two inches.  _ Fuck him,  _ he thought.  _ Fuck him and his pretty blue eyes, and his smile, and everything that makes me love him.  _ Castiel then turned away, ignoring the nausea that was there whenever he saw Armin.

“Cas-”

“FUCK YOU!”


	8. Blue star

_ “Memory” _

 

_ Day 31 _

 

Lysander was usually the only person who could put some sense into Castiel, but this time, they realised it would be just a bit harder. Well, more than a bit. Castiel was stubborn, foul mouthed and downward mean sometimes, even with Lys. But right now, talking to Castiel was like talking to a rock.

“What’s even stopping you from telling him?” They asked for the third time that day.

“It’s no use. I don’t want to see him.” Lys rubbed their eyes. They loved their best friend, but god was he a bitch sometimes. “Castiel, at this point you have nothing to lose. You can only make peace with it and telling him how you feel is part of it.”

 

Castiel looked up from his spot, sprawled over on his couch, at Lysander.

“I guess you’re right.” He said, coughing. 

 

The blue stars petals in his hands looked beautiful.

  
  
  



	9. Cyclamen

_ “Resignation” _

 

_ Day 34 _

 

The hours between 5 and 8 pm were probably Castiel’s favourite time to be outside. People who had spent the afternoon outside were either going home or finding a café to sit and eat something, or were taking a walking to enjoy the last sunlight of the day. The light was warm, everything was calm and tinted orange. 

 

Except maybe Armin’s blue eyes. 

 

They were sitting together, in the same park, on the same bench where he first told Iris he was sick, and he was going to do the same with Armin. 

“So… is there something I can do?”  _ Love me and I might not die, _ Castiel wanted to say. “Not really.” He mumbled instead, looking at his hands. “There’s the surgery you know, if it’s really as hopeless as you say it is.” 

 

Armin was always so oblivious.  _ Fucker.  _ His tone, drenched in pity, was only making Castiel more angry. Why did he have to fall in love again?

 

“No, fuck, you’re the one making me sick! Do you understand that?” Castiel snapped, looking up from his hands, only to meet sorry blue eyes. Armin pressed his lips together, looking to the ground. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here. Castiel’s expression softened at the sight.

“Look at me!” Armin finally met the other’s eyes. “I’m…” He started. “If you say you’re sorry I’m going to strangle you right here in this park.” His playful tone had the merit of making Armin relax a bit more. “I’m not going to do anything. I’d rather die than forget you.”

 

Now Armin really looked like he was about to cry. _ Well he’s not the one dying, _ the redhead thought. Sighing, he moved closer and wrapped his arms around Armin, who was whispering “I’m sorry” over and over again in his ear.

 

His chest was aching, there were vines in his lungs now and he coughed his first purple flower on Armin’s shoulder.

 


	10. Dahlia

 

_“Stay kind”_

 

_Day unknown_

 

Armin started going out with a girl approximately two weeks after Castiel’s confession. At this point, he made peace with the fact that he’s going to die soon enough, choking on the variety of flower growing in his body. He could still live a good one to three years with the disease and, they were extremely rare, but some people managed to live their whole life, and even _love_ someone. Castiel gave the couple his blessings,knowing full well that it was his death warrant.

Some days were better than others. Some days he woke up and saw the sun and realised he was still alive, and smiled. Some others, he woke up and realised _he was still alive._ He usually stayed in those days, throwing up vines and black dahlia mixed in with the roses and their thorns that hurt so much more than when they stayed in his lung and those little blue flowers that were ironically called _forget-me-nots._

Some days Iris and Lysander came to visit and help him around the house, cleaning out the tattered flowers. Armin didn’t visit as much as he used to. And that was okay, for the nausea Castiel felt every time he saw him was still there.

 

And one day, they fell silent. Warm brown eyes were trying to catch bright blue. A request.

 

“Just one last time.”

 

Their lips were centimeters apart. He just wanted to be alive.

 

“Fuck me and pretend that you love me.”

 

_What a beautiful blossom they would have made._

  



	11. Bonus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's been a year; castiel is surviving and the garden is part of him now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i suggest you listen to "far too yound to die" by panic! at the disco. idk, it fits.

_Bouquet_

_One year later_

 

Castiel wasn’t even sure how he had found the strength to even live like a somewhat normal human being even a year after the start of his sickness. With Lysander’s help and many hours of persuasion, he had managed to get in college to continue studying music. Castiel never liked going to school, but this was okay. Music was something he loved and that had helped him many times, and his teachers were actually pretty cool. They didn’t mind him being late or missing classes because surprisingly, he was a good student. Castiel could say that he was managing a pretty good life, despite being constantly broke and on the verge of death. He was surviving.

And that was apparently all there was to it. The flowers were still there. They were still growing, and he still coughed them up, and he still had bad days where he couldn’t get up. He still thought about Armin, once in a while, but never too long; there was no use in thinking about what was killing him. Plus, he hadn’t talked to Armin in more than six months. It was like a falling out, except there was only one person falling, the other one hadn’t cared enough and only walked away instead of going down like he had. 

Castiel now considered he was living out of pure spite. He wouldn’t let something like unrequited love kill him. Little did he know, this was not what was going to kill him.

Little did he know, the flowers had stopped growing a while ago. He hadn’t noticed, but he was coughing less and less as the weeks would go by. It was only on a wednesday night that he got a phone call from an unknown number and a familiar voice that the garden inside of him started to wither away. 

He clutched his phone with both hands, as he collapsed on his kitchen floor, as Armin’s voice was telling him how much he was sorry and he had been thinking about him lately and he should come visit him, because they haven’t talked in so long, but he was afraid to call because he knew Castiel probably didn’t want to see him, but in that moment, the redhead had more emotions than he ever had in the past few months. He found himself repeating “I love you” into the phone, like a dying man saying his last words, but somehow Castiel knew they weren’t going to be his last words, and this wouldn’t be the last time he would say these words. He even thought he heard Armin crying at one point, but it was okay, this was when everything between them unraveled and the tension would be no more. Castiel fell asleep on his kitchen floor that night, his phone held tight as the screen still displayed a message from Armin. It was a chaotic confession, but it was okay, chaos was their thing.

And nothing was ambiguous between them when they found each other again the week after, when Armin got out of the bus and kissed him and made him dizzy, when they wrapped their arms around each other so strongly they both felt like they were suffocating, and Castiel thought this was the best way to lose his air, that if he could stay like that for the rest of his life, he wouldn’t mind his lungs collapsing and his breath coming short, if only Armin could kiss him breathless and _never ever_ give him flowers.

__  
  



End file.
